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I don't care much for Easter. Mainly its the pastel colors...and collecting things in baskets makes me feel immigrant-y....but also, I've realized I have an innate hatred for rabbits. It started one Easter when I was hardcore jonesin' for some chocolate and my Mom bought me this huge, like 1 foot Chocolate rabbit! I couldn't wait to get in the car and bite its ears off....but when I did....the bunny was hollow inside...which I didn't realize at the time was foreshadowing for all the people in my future who looked to good to be true. It was just a fucking shell of a bunny. A waste. A disappointment.
Next, at 10 I went on my first Easter egg hunt. I remember buzzing inside because my basket was getting SO. FULL. Like a lesbian's at Trader Joe's. At the end I had the most eggs....and The prize was a HUGE....BRIGHT....SHINY......round of applause. Someone threw a "Yay" in there for good measure. At least during Christmas I got something out of sitting on that fat old man at the mall's lap who smiled too much. After the Easter party, the hostess could see I was peeved and mustered up a prize before my departure.....The same fuckin hollow ass rabbit from before!
You know what really took the carrot cake? Picture it. Young Alex and Mayte walking to school one hot, sunny Florida morning. Half way there...right before we reach the corner of the school. We smell something putrid. We uttered a few "eeew's" and "foouul's" when as we got closer to the corner we saw a patch of white.....closer still, the patch was the form of rabbit.......even closer, the rabbit was the texture of moving oatmeal......you guessed it. A maggot infested dead rabbit on the corner of a christian church, y'all! But why? Was it a sacrifice. Was it a runaway? The reaction was vomit, running out into the street almost causing a three car accident and an immense hatred for all things "bunny"....unless its in a French stew.
As an extra little fuck you from the gods, I was born in the year of the rabbit according to Chinese zodiac. As an extra little bit of lookin on the bright side....at least I'm not Chinese. Happy Maggot Day.
Next, at 10 I went on my first Easter egg hunt. I remember buzzing inside because my basket was getting SO. FULL. Like a lesbian's at Trader Joe's. At the end I had the most eggs....and The prize was a HUGE....BRIGHT....SHINY......round of applause. Someone threw a "Yay" in there for good measure. At least during Christmas I got something out of sitting on that fat old man at the mall's lap who smiled too much. After the Easter party, the hostess could see I was peeved and mustered up a prize before my departure.....The same fuckin hollow ass rabbit from before!
You know what really took the carrot cake? Picture it. Young Alex and Mayte walking to school one hot, sunny Florida morning. Half way there...right before we reach the corner of the school. We smell something putrid. We uttered a few "eeew's" and "foouul's" when as we got closer to the corner we saw a patch of white.....closer still, the patch was the form of rabbit.......even closer, the rabbit was the texture of moving oatmeal......you guessed it. A maggot infested dead rabbit on the corner of a christian church, y'all! But why? Was it a sacrifice. Was it a runaway? The reaction was vomit, running out into the street almost causing a three car accident and an immense hatred for all things "bunny"....unless its in a French stew.
As an extra little fuck you from the gods, I was born in the year of the rabbit according to Chinese zodiac. As an extra little bit of lookin on the bright side....at least I'm not Chinese. Happy Maggot Day.
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