A IS FOR ARMANI

...B is for Balenciaga...C is for Chanel. Sesame Street had a small hand in teaching me rudimentary things, but THIS is the way Maria Elena taught me my ABC's.

Imagine a young girl, fresh as a guava, arriving in NYC from her native Cuba. Did she clean houses? No. Did she sell strategically sliced mangoes on a stick on the street. Nope. She worked in jewelry...because before she knew how to say "please" and "thank you" in English...she knew the 4 "C"s of rocks and could tell real gold without biting it. 

Maria Elena is a certified Fame & Fashion Whore.

So when it came time to educate her child.....

Have you ever heard of HELLO! magazine? why would you. This is British magazine specializing in stories...and by stories, I mean gossip...about all European royalty. So my storytime at night did not come from Waly Disney forest creatures and tailoring mice...mine was  from HOLA! magazine about real princesses and haute couture.

Maria Elena: (pointing at a figure in HOLA!) Ok...who is this?

Baby Alex: Princess Caroline

Maria Elena: of???

Baby Alex: Monaco

Maria Elena: and what is she wearing?

Baby Alex: Oscar De La Renta

Maria Elena: (beaming with pride) Berry good. Now sleep.

Are these things the most important information to be giving a blossoming mind? Maybe not. But all the important stuff I learned in kindergarten....All the "life" stuff I'm learning as I go along.....and along with it all I have a minor in "I can't believe she wearing dis" from the University of M.E.

I may be a snarky manchild in Converse and Tshirts...but I know if you are wearing white pants you MUST wear white underwear or no underwear, but only if you wax.

I know that matching too much is ghetto. Not matching at all is special ed.,and wearing complimentary colors together is Sarah Jessica Parker.

I know the name of every prince and princess in Europe which hasn't come in handy yet...but I'll keep you posted.

If you live in the Central Florida area and would like your child to attend the U. of M.E.. please inquire with me and I will be directly in touch with the administrator. I asked her for a slogan....

"Is never too late, but is never NEVER too early to learn how to dress not like a retarded."

Happy Fashion Week!!!!....and remember if you are wearing Armani Exchange...you are most certainly NOT wearing Armani....you are just wearing Eurotrash.

Tugs and Fondles,
Alejandro