PRINCE COMPLEX

....no, not his purple highness...I'm not running around with a skinny moustache and my curls done up like a bunch of grapes cascading down one side of my face. I'm refering to the type of complex that is usually reserved for Jewish and Italian American girls with big noses and fat-walleted daddies....Some white trash girls have it too...you've seen them with their too tight t-shirts hugging their muffin tops...the word "princess" in pink under a bedazzled tiara....but dear friends, princesses do not acquire their garb from a mart called Wal.

 It was recently brought to my attention by my pal, Meredith, that I....think...I'm a prince. I'm like a J.A.P....but Cuban...I'm a C.A.P.
These are her reasons:
A. When a bill comes, I throw a bunch of money on the table so as not to be bothered by the commoner task of figuring out the bill.
B. I see cabs as the MAIN form of transportation in NYC.
C. When we enter the cab I stay silent and wait for whoever I'm riding with to inform the horseman of the direction to my kingdom.

Upon closer inspection, I realize she is right. When I first moved away to college, two weeks went by and I had no clean underwear. I remember calling my mother to ask her why my laundry wasn't done. I get dizzy and faint when entering any discount store because it makes me feel poor...which I am, but don't wanna FEEL it, hence the complex. I once got in a fight with a fellow hispanic at my job because they found out I was paid higher....I was thrown a, "You think you're better than me?"...to which I replied,"I don't think I'm better, I know I am."

Is this a problem? I don't think so... I'm just a guy who wants to pay more for his friends, likes getting home quicker, misses his mommy, likes quality goods, and gets confrontational when attacked....and if I were to have a kingdom someday...it would be my pleasure for all of you to benefit from it...as long we all understand I will start saying things like...

SILENCE!!!

LEAVE US!

and...GUARDS!!!!

....I think this is an adequate arrangement...agreed? Now... LEAVE ME.