I AM A LESBIAN

Yes, you read correctly. My close friends know this weird fetish of mine, but for those of you who are new to me...accept it: I love lesbians. I am a male identified lesbian. I don't know what that means, but they are out there....and I am proud and embarrassed to say I am one.
Last night, I waited on a lessie at work. She was in a group of many people and arrived late. I found myself reading off all our beers to her, which I would never do to anyone else. I laughed at her unfunny jokes and touched her arm a lot...all the while she had a look in her eye that said, "Dude, I'm a dyke."
Well, miss, you've heard of fag hags. I am a dyke stag!
I love K.D. Lang. I have a huge crush on Ellen! I actually daydream of our life together...minus Portia. But my biggest guilty pleasure in the world....Melissa!
People are fanatics of many things.....pets....the environment....Jesus. For me, its Melissa.
I've been to see her only twice, but I once lost a tix bid on ebay and cried into my towel in the bathroom so my roomate couldn't hear.
Her music to me is like a drug. I actually get high off it. When I hear "Like the Way I Do", I dance around in my room barefoot, swinging imaginary dreads around while dreaming up moments doused in patchouli.
When I hear "You Can Sleep While I Drive", I rock back and forth on my bed sobbing like I did for the series finale of Six Feet Under.
When I hear "I'm the Only One", well...dirty things happen. Unfortunately, I'm the only one there.
You get the point.
Any movie made on the subject, I've seen. Have I seen every season of the L Word? Yes.
Have I been to a les bar? You bet. Have I made out with one? More than made out.
I don't think this is a problem....its healthy. I can't deny my true self.
This is how it would be a problem: I have often had the fantasy of...shaving really close, getting a military cut, putting on a bra and stuffing it to the max, but then getting an ace bandage to "bind my breast". I would put on a nice plaid shirt. Perhaps L.L. Bean...or just Old Navy would do. Work boots or Adidas...take your pick. I would go to one of those DYKE ONLY bars and try to pass. Which I would. Then I would walk up to cute boyish ladies and say, "Hey, what's up?" but in a higher register with a Cher tone.
THAT would be a problem....and I would not do that.
I simply am enamored with a lifestyle that is not traditionally for men. Its not like I want to hump little kids...they're too whiny.
I know I can't be a lesbo, so I will instead watch from the sidelines, proudly wearing my "I Love Shane" t shirt, throwing a rock sign up in the air.
I'm fine being just a supporter.
Scissor on, girlfriends!!!!